The Advantages Of Being Bald

I have been contemplating going bald for quite some time now and a few days ago I finally went ahead and abandoned my beautiful head of hair. After going bald I immediately noticed a number of advantages bald people have over those with hair. This list encompasses the greatest advantages of being bald.

Flight

Scientists from the National Institution Of Hair Research have concluded that 98% of human mass comes directly from human hair. Once the hair is removed from the head a person losses a majority of that mass, allowing for a regular human to defy gravity and take flight. Bald heads are also more aerodynamic allowing for smooth flight patterns.

Harness the power of flight

Partial Invisibility/ Ultimate Defense

In the daytime the sun’s rays reflect off my shiny scalp, blinding onlookers from miles away. This helps in hiding my identity in public rendering me invisible during the day. My bald head is also successful in deflecting enemy laser blast, firearm projectiles, and nuclear weapons.

Can you see me now? Good.

Super Strength

Since my body no longer puts energy into hair growth it redirects that energy into my muscle fibers. This grants me 200x the strength of the average long haired human. With my new found strength I can lift cars, houses and entire skyscrapers with just a single hand.

Like this, but cooler

So what do you guys think? Are there any advantages I missed? Be sure to leave a comment, I would love any feedback!

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