The Midnight Detective: A Fool Afraid to Fight For Love
I’ve always seen myself as an honest man. Integrity and honesty remain scarce in our society today. Everyone lies and manipulates in order to get what they want. There’s nothing I hate more than a liar. Deceiving people with honeyed words and false promises, it disgusts me. All a person has in this life is their word, once you lose that you’re left with nothing. Despite my disgust with dishonesty, I must admit that I am also a liar. Not only am I liar, I’m the worst type of liar there is. You see, it’s one thing to lie to other people, but when you lie to yourself that’s another thing entirely. Every day I recite the same two sentences to myself: “Emotional attachment is a waste of time” and “Love does not exist”. I say it over and over again, banging the message deep into my skull. I speak it out loud hoping to bring the words to fruition. I want, no, I need for these words to be true but they just aren’t. The truth lies behind this elaborate persona I have created. I feel empty. My insides are hollow and soulless.
I cannot bear to be alone any longer. I want someone to care about whom I am and what I do. The proximity, the sheer closeness would be enough. Just knowing, despites life’s difficulties and obstacles at the end of the road, someone would be there waiting for me. The more I yearn for these things, the more it feels like a fantasy. The lies I tell myself dampen the pain of living in this loveless reality. What if love truly doesn’t exist? Am I chasing a silly dream with no hope of actually obtaining it?
They say only fools fall in love, but I don’t think that’s true. Those chasing love are the brave ones. People who are willing to risk the pain, suffering and deception all in the name of love. These individuals are champions of romance and I am just a coward. A coward hiding behind the safety net of loneliness. A coward who hides himself behind lies and above all else a fool.
Entry Two – The Midnight Detective