In my twenty years of living I have learned a lot from my experiences. Even to this day I continue to grow from my mistakes. Recently I was forced to learn one of the hardest life lessons so far: Acceptance. About two years ago in the pinnacle of my depression I gave myself a kick in the ass. I hit a point where I realized I need to change way I lived if I wanted to happy. I made myself a firm promise and eventually that promise evolved into a mission. My goal was to improve myself in any way possible so that I could look at my life and not feel so shitty about myself. This year I finally got to point where I could objectively step back and say I love my life. It is an incredible and almost euphoric feeling. Like all good stories things changed once there was a girl involved. I’m not going to dive into the details, just know that things did not work out like I hoped. At first I blamed myself for being naïve. My first thought was “I wasn’t good enough. She didn’t like me because I wasn’t good enough”. It didn’t make any sense though because I was so sure I had become a better person. I’d lie in bed some nights composing a list of personal flaws and way I could improve them. This crippled me for weeks because just when I thought my self-improvement mission was paying off I was knocked down a peg. I treaded around in self-pity for about a month and half. I even tried convincing myself I never had feelings for this woman, which was obviously a lie. Then one day something very odd happened. I thought about it for a second and it didn’t bother me. I reached a point where I accepted the turnout of those events instead of dwelling on them. Afterwards I felt at peace, like everything was back in balance. I know that’s a weird way of phrasing it, but that is really how I felt. It didn’t make the situation suck any less, but by accepting what happened I was able to move past it. Sometimes shitty things just happen and the best thing to do is accept it for what it is and try to move on.
Here’s a great song to listen to if you’re ever feeling down 🙂