God I hate hospitals. The overpowering sanitary smell, the sickly helplessly patients, the serious looking doctors with their array of medical contraptions. I despise it all. Luckily, I only needed blood work done. It would be quick, ya know? In and out. Gone in a jiffy. Done and done. Unless…
Stop that! Your freaking yourself out more!
Okay. Okay. Calm down. Be coooooool. You got this. My right leg vibrated intensely up and down turning into a mini jackhammer.
Just then the intercom announced: “Patient number EIGHTTEEN. Please proceed to station number SIX”
Rising out of the leather waiting room chair I reluctantly headed to station six. A polite doctor instructed me to sit. I spewed out the usually medical information needed as she typed at breakneck speed. The doctor vanished, leaving me in the room alone.
Alright. The worst is almost over. Just gotta get through the needle. Remember – In and out.
Leaving me alone gave me more time to visualize the worst case possible. What if I was dying? Would they even tell me? What if my blood is highly irregular? What if I’m radioactive? What if I don’t have blood in the first place?!
The door creaked open and interrupted my senseless rumination. It wasn’t the same doctor from before this time. It was a nurse. A really hot nurse, might I add.
“How are we doing today?” she inquired
Better now that you’re here.
“Uh good I guess” I lied
My lord, how can anyone look that good in navy blue scrubs? Nurse Hotstuff was super nice and perky in all the right places. From my chair I noticed her left sleeve just barely covered a Swedish Fish tattoo. Very interesting choice.
“Okay, which arm do you want it in?”
For a moment I completely forgot where I was. “Um uh it really doesn’t matter”
Nurse Hotstuff smiled gently and answered, “I’ll take that as the I really don’t want to be here response haha.”
I felt the chilly sensation of rubbing alcohol on my right forearm skin. Time to brace myself for the dreaded needle.
“Little pinch, okay?”
Oh jeez I can’t look. I averted my eyes to the ceiling. My muscles tightened up to brace for the oncoming pain. All of a sudden I could sense the slight prick of metal penetrating my skin.
“Okay your done!”
Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. WHAT? That’s it? Really?
“Oh really? Cool thank you!” My body flooded with relief. I rose from my chair and flashed my signature grin at Nurse Hotstuff before exiting station six. She is very lucky. Most girls have to wait until at least the third date before they can poke me with anything. Is it weird that I am disappointed it didn’t hurt more?
Maybe I should get blood tests more often – Barry