Interacting with random Bloomsburg Townees is always an interesting experience. These moments typically occur in a few seconds, but they are definitely worth sharing.
Wheat Bread – $2.49
Chicken Breasts – $11.99
Please don’t go over $50. Pleasee don’t go over $50.
Grocery shopping always provokes a special kind of anxiety. Watching the numbers trail down the screen, the total sum jumping higher and higher. It’s like suspense thriller starring me and my bank account.
Total – $47.34
Whoooo! Just barely made it! Suck it bitches!
The young cashier peered at me behind his Harry Potter glasses with disinterest toward my victory, “Do you have a Weis card sir?”
Pfft. Weis card. Lammmeee.
“No, I never got around to getting one”
Sudden a voice interjected, “You can use my card if you want!”
Hm? I turned around toward the good Samaritan. It was a mother with her two year old son in the shopping cart. She smiled brightly while holding out her Weis card to the cashier. My total subsequently dropped by $7.59.
“Thank you so much!”
“No problem, do you live in the area?”
Looking directly at her face is when it struck me: Damn! This mom is ridiculously hot!
“Yeah, but I don’t really grocery shop much”
Embracing my inner Sherlock Holmes, I focused my powers of observation to deduce the following conclusions:
Grocery shopping alone with young child – Potentially a single mother.
No wedding ring on left hand – Reinforces possibility of singleness or recently split up.
Bold grey eyes, stark blonde hair – MILF
It only took a nanosecond before I snapped back to the present. She continued, “Oh that’s a shame! You should really think about getting one!”
“Yeah I’ll sign up next time I go shopping haha, thanks again!”
Before hulling off my bags I flashed her son a look hoping to transmit its meaning telekinetically: I could be your new stepdad.
I’m never going to Walmart again – Barry