Stolen Pizza

*Squawk* “Your order is almost ready!” *Squawk*

“Yippie! Did you hear that Barry! The pizza is almost ready!”


Cecelia only orders from Domino’s because they have the annoying online pizza trackers with the sounds. Her favorite order tracker is the tropical theme with the squawking parrot. After breaking up, Cecelia and I decided to stay friends. We made a tradition out of ordering a strange combination of toppings and cheeses on a large pizza from Domino’s. Sure, it’s expensive, but that’s where the emergency credit card Cecelia’s parents left her comes in handy. When your hungry everything is an emergency.

“Cece why do you like that parrot so much? He’s pissing me off.”

“I don’t know haha. Don’t judge me!”

Too late. Wayyy too late.

*Squawk* Your pizza is here! *Squawk*

YES finally!

Cece’s cell rang short after. A brief exchange later she hung up and stared at me.

“Sooo the pizza’s here….”

Nice try buddy. Not this time.

Today I decided to stand my ground, “No. You’re getting the pizza this time. I always get the pizza.”

“Ugh! Fine.”

A dramatic eyeroll later Cece disappeared to retrieve the order. She may have muttered “douchebag” under her breathe before leaving. Three minutes later Cecelia returned to the room with a large pizza box in hand. Maybe too big.

Wait a minute..…..

Cece opened the massive box and inside a XL pepperoni pizza stared us in the face. Immediately stunned she shut the cardboard box lid. With the box closed the printed PIZZA HUT logo clearly stuck out.

“Um Barry?”

Ah shit. I don’t get the pizza ONE time and this happens!

Now fully realizing she committed Grand Theft Pizza Cece entered full freak out mode.

“Oh my god! I accidentally took the wrong pizza! Am I going to be arrested? I didn’t mean to! I can’t go to jail! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!”

“Cece calm down and look at me.”

Cece paused to take a breathe.

“Okay look. It’s not a big deal. You accidentally took the wrong one just go back down stairs and I’ll call Pizza Hut. It could happen to anyone.”

Your fully of ish Barry! It could not happen to anyone.

Just then Community Assistant Sandra popped her head in the dorm, “Did you guys accidentally steal someone’s pizza?”

Cece and I exchanged looks before responded in sync, “…yeah.”

Sandra brought along the pizza theft victim, “Well we have yours, so let’s trade.”

We apologized to Sandra and stolen pizza guy, heads slumped down in shame.

Thank God they showed up! Crisis adverted.

I always pick up the pizza deliveries now – Barry


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