No BHD at the DMV

The Department of Motor Vehicles remains my least favorite organization on the planet Earth. I needed to renew my driver’s license making this visit completely unavoidable. Great. No need to stress it’s just a license renewal. Should be fairly quick. I like the way I think, okay to the DMV!

How naïve of me. Last time I checked “quick” meant something other than a maddening 90-minute wait. I went through the online license renewal process a month prior to avoid this. I never received my camera card in the mail so here I was.

“Number C640 counter 7”

Yes! That’s me!

I moved quickly to counter 7 and presented the paperwork to the clerk. “Hi, so I did the license renewal onl-”

“License number.” The clerk cut me off without flinching from his computer monitor.

Somewhere deep and dark chasm inside of me I felt a spark of murderous rage peer out for a microsecond. DID HE JUST INTERRUPT ME? My greater angels prevailed however and I calmly rattled off the digits on my license.


Rage: I’ll be here if you change your mind!

Barry remember that anger will not serve you.

I will if I punch him in the forehead.

Be the bigger person.

Ugh fine.

Guess they don’t teach BHD (Basic Human Decency) to DMV employees. I stood there seething a few seconds while Rude clerk man, let’s call him Rudy, typed my personal data into the system. This interaction burned through my leftover patience reserves.

Rudy swivel in his chair to face me at last, “Check or Money order?”

“I don’t hav-”

“Then I can’t help you.” Rudy immediately spun back to the monitor.

My breathing sped up 1000 percent while my fists clenched manically. To hell with the pacifist approach. Eyebrows stiffened at an angular V and voice firm I addressed Rudy once more, “NO Listen. What I been trying to tell you is I did the renewal process online. I never received the camera card in the mail and the woman I spoke to on the phone said there was no fee.” I did not wait 90 minutes just to be dismissed in 9 seconds.

Rudy made eye contact with me for the first time. His demeanor changed slightly, “Is your home address the same?”


Rudy worked some magic and produced the paper I needed fairly quickly. I took the paper and made sure to give a him deliberate quasi-sincere “Thank you” before going on my way.

I really hate the DMV – Barry


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