When we go to Mars

Thanks to my boi Elon Musk traveling to the Planet Mars within my lifetime is a real possibility. That’s so wild.

*Disclaimer: I do not have a personal relationship with Elon Musk*

So, what will humans do when we get to Mars? First things first: Dictatorship. Don’t worry! My strong leadership will help us survive the perils of living on another planet. To prove my competence I already created a Mars colony name: New Terra. As in New Earth, but wayyy cooler. Now that I have your confidence let’s talk about survival stuff.

How we survive

Before humans can thrive we must survive. In establishing a base our first priority is to fulfill essential needs: Food, Shelter, Water. Luckily for all you colonists I packed a bunch of IKEA furniture onto the shuttle so we are covered for shelter. Unfortunately for the first 20 years or so on the Red Giant we’ll need to eat Ramen Noodles…. Dibs on shrimp flavor!

You: Ramen Noodles! WHAT?

Don’t worry! I packed cup-o-noodles too! Last we need to solve that pesky water issue. Hmmmm. Well Mars has ice caps right? We can just melt those. Like we do on Earth. Problem solved.

What will we do?

After surviving initial contact we’ll need something to occupy our time. Internet seems out of the question from a practical stand point. Here are my proposals for Martian Recreation:

  • Mars Bingo
  • Mars Monopoly
  • Mixed Martian Arts

Not a whole lot of variety at first. Most of the time will be spent staying alive.

One last thing

Traveling to Mars is literally going to the New World—Chris Columbus got nothing on us.

See ya in space – Barry

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